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Jerrall-
Last night was another good night’s sleep. I slept for 6 hours
straight. This morning after breakfast, Krystal and I went shoe
shopping and found Krystal a pair of moccasins. Before we left the
mountains, we went to Mingo Falls, another one of Debbie’s
favorite places to be. In 20 years, things have really changed.
Instead of climbing up the rock trail, they have built a staircase with
500 steps. Debbie would not believe all the changes they have
made. After about 2 ½ hours of hiking and playing at the base of
the waterfall, it was time to head back to Charlotte. The closer we
got to Charlotte, the more anxiety I had. Krystal kept telling me to
take deep breathes and that it would be okay Dad. Once we got
back to Charlotte, Krystal and I went grocery shopping. We wanted
each other to have food to eat this week. We both really enjoyed
the short time we had together and we had a lot of fun.
July 28, 2007
Jerrall-
Last night I slept 6 hours straight at the motel. Krystal and I went
out for breakfast and then to deep creek at the base of the Smokey
Mountains. Two years ago we brought Debbie here so she could
set by the river and watch the people in the river on inner tubs.
That day I asked Debbie if she wanted to come back and Debbie
was able to whisper and nod yes. Debbie since then was not able
to make this trip no matter how much I wanted to bring Debbie.
This was one of Debbie’s favorite places to go. Krystal and I rode
the river two times. It rained last night so the current was the
fastest I have ever seen and a lot more dangerous. The water is
40 degrees and your muscles cramp up as soon as you get in. It is
cold and hypothermia could kill you and 2 times to run the river
Krystal and I could barely walk to the truck, but it is so much fun.
Debbie loved white water rafting and today Debbie was with us in
spirit. Debbie would have made us run the river three times.
We went out to a Mexican restaurant for dinner and then we walked
through the shops at Cherokee North Carolina just like old times.
Tonight we rested at the motel and watched TV. The river had
both of us very tired.
“Great Day “
July 27, 2007
Jerrall-
It has been 3 weeks tomorrow night since Debbie passed. I did well
the first two weeks great but this week has been the hardest yet.
My primary care doctor gave me some meds to help me sleep until
August 7 when I see the Nero psychiatrist doctor. I still have only
gotten 3 hours at a time but have slept all times of the day or
night. I am not having any dreams but wake up in a fog and go
looking for Debbie. I do not know what day it is or day or night until
I look outside to see if the sun is shinning. When I am awake I do
not feel like doing any thing I even forgot to take my trash can to
the curb. At different times of the day I think what Debbie and I
would be doing. Other times I rethink how did I let Debbie down?
Amber is still hanging up on me on the phone. Krystal calls every
day and takes me to lunch a couple of days out of the week.
Around the girls we only talk of all the good times we had with
Debbie. Yesterday I went over to Krystal’s house and we put up
curtains up and built a desk and two end tables. As long as I stay
busy everything is ok but when I get home to an empty house all of
the trauma is so real. First I want to finish getting Krystal ready for
college to start again and then I will decide where I am going to live
short time. In January, I will start building a house on a 10 acre
piece of property closer to Krystal’s. Weather I sell the new house
or live in it will give me something to do to pass time. Debbie
picked out this land 20 years ago because of the two huge hills, all
hardwood trees and two creeks one with a small water fall.
Today Krystal and I did something spontaneous like Debbie and I
used to do. We packed up the truck and headed to the Smokey
Mountains with no reservations or plans or time limits. We talked
for 4 hours in the truck and the trip went so fast. We laughed and
cried but together it was great closure. Krystal took the digital
camera and was taking some sun set pictures and then Krystal
went to look at them and there were pictures of Debbie and I doing
therapy on the standing frame. There was silence for a few
minutes then we talked about the good times. We first went to a
motel we used to go to and it had no vacancy. The whole town was
full. The manager sent us down the road 3 miles to a place that
must have been 60 years old but we were happy to have any
place. Debbie taught us to be happy with what we have and do not
worry about any of the rest. So much was my goal to bring Debbie
here this summer and I did but not in body but in spirit. Debbie
would be so proud in the independent young lady Krystal has
become I know I am. The last 4 months Krystal has been there
when I was too tired and I know Krystal still needs a dad. Tomorrow
we will run the river in inner tubes like we have done for years.
Two years ago July we brought Debbie here to go for a walk in her
wheelchair by the river on the gravel path. Instead Debbie threw
her glasses on the ground and put her right foot off the foot rest
and into the wheel. I asked Debbie was she telling me no do not
take her on the trail and she shock her head. So Debbie and I set
by the river and watched the girls tube the river. Before we left that
day I asked Debbie if she wanted to come back and she nodded
yes.
“Make Every Moment Count”
&
“Have no regrets “
July 23, 2007
Jerrall-
Today has been very different. First I slept in until 10 am and then
I saw Debbie was not in her bed so I went to the living room to see
if Debbie was all right. When I got there it hit me Debbie was not
with us anymore. I must have been in a deep sleep. I still do not
have dreams, but cannot get my days and nights turned around.
Today I thought several times that Debbie was not in pain any more
and in a better place. That maybe true but I am so lost and wonder
what is left to work towards. This four bedroom house is so empty
and I will have to find some thing to do with my time.
July 21, 2007
Jerrall-
It has been a long two weeks since Debbie passed. It was on a
Saturday night two weeks ago I will never forget. At 12:37 am it
was all over but it took six hours to get there. At no time did Debbie
have any grimness on her face no pain or jumping. It started at 6:
30 pm and we were all by Debbie where she lay in her bed by the
picture window where we had the time machine and rested there
together some many years. Krystal held Debbie’s hand the whole
time like Krystal knew this was the last time she would ever get to
hold Debbie hand any more. For six hour Krystal kept talking to
Debbie telling her mom it was ok to let go that we would be ok and
take care of each other. Also one day we would all be together
again, “mom it is ok” over and over. It was unbelievable that
Gerald and Helen would be here that night. The nurse would not
let me closer that three feet to Debbie’s bed, she could see I knew
Debbie needed suction though her nose and that was not in
Debbie’s best interest at this point. I told her several times if some
one is drowning you would not throw them a bag of rocks. She
actually asked me if I had some drugs I could take so I would not
stop this normal process. I asked do I look that bad and she
replied I looked like someone had thrown me against the wall and I
had ran down into a little pile.
Two weeks later and it is still like it was yesterday. After the funeral
I worked eight days straight but with these few days off this
emptiness I feel is so strong I can not hide from it. I know all of this
is the best for Debbie but what am I to do know. I have worked all
my life for this, to be a lone every where I go. When I went to the
doctor yesterday he said what he could test was great but referred
me to a physicist Aug. 7 to see what was going on inside my head.
Also to help with sleep which is still the same 3 to 4 hours a night?
Still I have no dreams at night. The house is ¾ done with clean out
and painting. I do not know where to move to and have trouble
making decisions for now so I guess I will be here a little longer
everything is paid for except for medical co-pays which can grow
into a big deal. Amber still wants to run the family business and
she lets me help her for know so I just need time to make that rest
of my life plans. This is some thing you can never be ready for and
I can only take one step at a time. I am not taking meds for this
trauma and think it just takes time.
Though this web site I have met so amazing people that have made
all of this possible. I just checked my mail box and had a letter from
London; all of you know Koo she has inspired me when I did not
think I could go on. There are so many of use caregivers out there
and no support other than each other and I am proud and thankful
to be a part of this on line family.
After all of this long post the two girls and I will be ok. My journey is
not over I feel the best on the inside when I can help someone
else. If any of you caregivers need to talk or unload I will still be
here. My life has been brain injury the last four years and I want to
take the pain off of the caregivers’ as much as possible.
“Make every moment count”
July 19, 2007
Jerrall-
Debbie has been gone 11 days now and I still feel like Debbie is
still with me. Maybe this feeling will never go away. Good thing
bad thing. I had a call from hospice today and all I could say was I
have never felt so empty in my life. Everyone went home or
vacation on Sunday and for the first time when I open the door no
one is home. Everyday since the funeral I have went to work to
help Amber even on Sunday. Every night before I come home I
stop and get some thing healthy to eat. When I get in at 10 pm I
work on the computer until 1 or 2 am. I still only sleep 3 hours a
night and do not have dreams. This Friday I will go to my doctor’s
appointment and I will say here I am what needs to happen. I am
healthy and just need to do some profession check up. Time is
what I need but it is not going fast enough.
My sister Janet and Amber got Debbie’s clothes donated to the
right people. But I still have all of the rehab supplies and they need
a home to where they will do the most good. I have only had 2
answers to this question and I have all types of cognitive rehab
stuff. They just need a good home send me an e-mail anytime.
Jerrall
July 15, 2007
Jerrall-
I have been getting some e-mails to post what is happening in our
lives since last Sunday so I tried to put the last week into words. I
took Janet, my sister, to the airport this morning. She had been
here for 10 days. I do not know how the girls would have made it
without her.
Amber lives about an hour north with her new husband and is
getting the help she needs. Krystal lives an hour south and going
to summer classes at college and working part time. Gerald and
Helen, close friends of ours, left today to go to the beach for a few
days.
This will be my first week alone and trying to get back to a normal
life. I am so lost and cannot think right at this time and have
trouble making decisions. I do not know how long it will take to get
back to normal or what normal is right now. I have only been
sleeping still 3 hour at a time and still have no dreams. I cried the
first two years and have no tears left. I still believe I was lucky to
have over 4 years to say good bye to Debbie. Most people do not
get that. Debbie was at a point at the end of all of this that even I
understand. She is in no more pain and not trapped in that broken
body any more. One day we will be together again and Debbie will
be able to see, walk, and talk. Until then, I can still feel her
presences around me and feel she will exist in my heart and in my
memory of all of the blessings we had together.
I want more than anything to be able to help others in this situation
and take some of the pain or load off of other caregivers. I know
10 to 20 year post TBI survivors that have quality of life and have
even gone on to get married and have a family. What happen to
Debbie is not the normal way this injury has to end. Debbie had
several other injuries from her accident. I never went back to work
because the time left for us to be together can not be replaced with
money. I tried as hard as I could to make life as easy as possible
for Debbie and have no regrets. This lost feeling will pass in time,
but Debbie is in no more pain. Sometimes you can love someone
so much you have to let go and not just think of yourself.
If any one ever needs to know about TBI after 4 years post, I will
still be here and if nothing else, but to keep some other caregiver
from being alone. The biggest lesson I learned was muscle
relaxers cannot think and cannot tell a bladder or lung from an arm
or foot.
I plan on finishing this site with the prevention I have learned and
ways to make the system work for other caregivers.
Again without all of the outside support from people, I never met
but now am closer than family I would of never of made the last 4
years. Words do not express Thank You enough for the difference
you all made in Debbie’s journey.
July 14, 2007
Jerrall-
Krystal and Janet have stayed at my house everyday since Debbie
has passed because they do not want be to be alone at this time.
Also the girls and Amber have 2/3 of the furniture and clothes out
of the house. We just had this house for two years and it was
made special for Debbie, but soon I will be moving again because
of the painful memories that are every where I look. Gerald and
Helen Callahan were here the night Debbie passed and have been
over everyday since. At times like this you never know how many
true friends you have. They have offered me to come stay at their
home for a while. No one wants me to be alone. I am ok but
everyone thinks one day soon I will crash because Debbie was in
my life every day since we were 8 years old, over 40 years. I am
told the lack of sleep over the past four years has my mind very
fuzzy. Krystal even has offered for me to stay at her house for a
while. I do not know at this time what will happen, where I will live,
or my next step. What I want to do is get back to work and stay
busy and start over with a house of my own. In time this since or
feeling of lost will pass and the time cannot past soon enough.
July 12, 2007
Jerrall-
I think we are all still in shock that Debbie is really gone. No one
has broken down yet. Krystal held Debbie’s hand the whole 6
hours while Debbie was passing and talking to Debbie the whole
time. Krystal made her peace at that time and still cannot believe
Debbie will not be at home when she comes to visit. Krystal has
lived an hour away for 1 ½ years going to college, but came home
every weekend to help. Krystal has stayed with me this whole week
to make sure I eat and am not alone. Also the girls and Janet have
cleaned out all of Debbie’s things from the house to help keep only
the good memories.
Krystal’s friend Ray lost his mom this year and told Kris he still
expects to see his mom when he goes home. I think this might be a
good thing because both of them still feel there mom’s presence
every where they go. They believe both mom’s are in a better
place and one day we will all be together again except they will be
in no pain and until then the moms will be watching over them as
they go though life. I think they are two college kids with great
heads on there shoulders.
Amber is having the hardest time of all and working with
counselors and her doctor. Amber moved out from home in
February. The pain was too much to bear seeing Debbie every
day and now she is married and starting her own life’s journey.
Amber still came and saw Debbie and did some therapy but started
to withdrawal and to this day she does not talk to me about the
issue. The night Debbie was passing Amber could not come to see
Debbie die like this. Amber loves her mom very much and
everyone has there own way of grieving. At the service Amber
read a loud a letter she had wrote and it seam to help with some
closure. There is not words to explain this unless you are in the
same shoe you could not imagine how much stress it was everyday.
July 11, 2007
Jerrall-
The memorial service went great tonight. I still cannot believe how
many people one person’s life can touch. I cannot put into words
what a difference strangers have made in our life and Debbie’s
life. Thank every one so much for all your support.
Finally, I can see some closure in the girls. My sister has spent
nine days helping us get through it worst of times. Thank You
Janet.
In October I will take Debbie’s ashes to Cape Hatteras on the Outer
Banks of North Carolina and spread them at the one special place
Debbie felt closest to heaven.
THE MEMORIAL SERVICE
July 9, 2007
The memorial service for Debbie Rich will be held at Heritage
Funeral Home on Wednesday, July 11, 2007. Family
visitation will be one hour before the service at 7:00 p.m.,
and the service will begin at 8:00 p.m. The Heritage Funeral
Home is located at 3700 Forest Lawn Drive, Matthews, NC 28104.
This location is considered to be the Weddington/Matthews
Chapel. Their telephone number is (704) 846-3771. Donations
may be made in lieu of flowers to the Debra Rich Special Needs
Trust for outstanding medical bills at 7012 Folger Drive, Charlotte,
NC 28270. Thank you for all of your prayers and support.
The Rich Family (Jerrall, Krystal, and Amber)
DEBBIE’S FINAL JOURNEY
July 8, 2007
This morning at 12:37 am I lost a great mother of two kids, wife,
and the best friend I will ever have. Debbie pasted away at her
home with Krystal, Janet, Helen, Gerald, and I at her bed side. It all
started around 7:00 pm with heavy breathing noises and her
oxygen level dropped to 30%. We all got closer and held hands
with Debbie for thirty minutes then Debbie’s stats got better. I
learned tonight that people do not just pass away. It took over 5
hours for the whole process to take place.
Remember, all brain injuries are different. Debbie had a lung issue
that cost her life. After Debbie’s funeral, I will finish the web page
and if only one person’s life is helped, it will be all worth it. We want
to thank everyone for their support and prayers through out the
past 4 years.
-Jerrall
July 6, 2007
Jerrall-
Last night Debbie never woke up but at 3 am Debbie was having
issues breathing even though her o2 stats were good but her heart
rate was around a 100. I started at 3 am and 3 hours later at 6 am
Debbie was 98% on her own. The issue was for several days
Debbie has not had a good air way cleaning because her stats
were so low.
But today it just had to be done even though it was 3 am. Debbie’s
saliva was so dry and thick I had to use saline to break up her
secretions. This is some thing I have learned over the years and is
the only thing that will work. It is just some thing anyone can do.
It is 4 pm and Debbie is at a good point for me to get some sleep
before a 12 hour night.
July 5, 2007
Jerrall-
Debbie had a temperature all night so I kept her uncovered to keep
her as cool as possible. Meds did not seam to work. By 3 am
Debbie’s temperature broke and I was able to get Deb covered
back up. Even with a straw suction there was no mucus plugs.
When Debbie’s brain came back on line her oxygen stats went
back up to 95 % on a 3 liter flow. Last night was the closest we
have come to losing Debbie. As time goes by Debbie’s heart rate
will soar and o2 levels will drop and Debbie will still gasp to get her
breathe.
This morning I called are morning nurse said she wondered if
hospice will DC oxygen and all meds and let Debbie issues be
over. I said that all Debbie has is comfort meds including oxygen. I
asked her to call the hospice nurse and get a clear clarification.
She replied no so I got on the phone and in a ½ hour Debbie’s
hospice was here. Debbie will keep all meds and when it is Debbie’
s time to go then no one will be able to stop Debbie. Hospice is
about comfort and dignity. Debbie has jumped for over four years
and deserves this time to be at peace. It is unbelievable to have to
set back and watch nurture take its course.
Debbie’s stats were a lot better today but still Debbie did not open
her eyes again today. This is one of the first days for Debbie to
stay in bed all day. After the shower last night and the skin came
off behind both ears from the pressure of the nasal canola. Today
looked a lot better. So it is a good thing Debbie is blind so she
does not have to worry with her glasses.
Janet my older sister flew in today from Houston to help with the
girls, funeral and all of Debbie’s clothes. I am not trying to get a
head of the issues but have to be ready for what ever could
happen over the next few days. Krystal came over and spent the
night and slept with Aunt Janet. It has been over a year since the
girls have had another woman to talk to
Debbie had good stats today but never woke up at all because of
all of the meds. At least Debbie was calm and at peace for a
change. I had several meetings today with medical staff and
Debbie is stronger than any one could believe. It is amazing how
many people some ones life can touch.
Thank You for this great day- Make every moment
count!
July 4th, 2007
Jerrall-
I gave report to the new nurse at 7 am this morning. My eyes were
so dry I could not even read a med bottle. Last night was the same
as the last few nights except Debbie’s oxygen level was the lowest
yet with the highest liter flow of extra oxygen. Debbie’s heart rate
was the highest yet and stayed in the high 90’s. Today Debbie is
making the loudest sounds yet gasping to get her breathe. Debbie
has not tried to open her eye in the last few days. Today when
Amber gave Debbie a kiss bye Debbie did open her eye for a few
minutes. Debbie is still inside there but too weak to even move her
eye lids.
I guess I got my wish Debbie is calm and no more jumping. The
girls are gone and the house is so quite with the nurse keeping an
eye on Debbie while I get to set next to Debbie and just hold her
hand. I can not tell if Debbie knows I am here but I have a feeling
and Debbie’s stats are stable. It is 3 pm and I need a break so I am
going to turn Deb on her side and lay next to her with her head on
my arm.
After 3 ½ hours I had Debbie warm and relaxed. The whole time I
am laying next to Debbie the nurse is working harder than I have
ever seen. Regular meds, extra meds, extra breathing treatments
but nothing is working. Debbie’s oxygen stats are still in the 80’s
and heart rate near 100. The pulse/ox will not work any more
because of the circulation. Also Debbie’s stomach content is the
same color as her urine bag. Nursing goes home at 11 pm and
then I will be on my own. Later Krystal is supposed to come and
spend the night so I will not have to be alone.
I called hospice tonight and told them what was going on and they
said I was doing all that can be done and call them back when
Debbie quits breathing. Now what do I do. Watching Debbie suffer
so bad for the last two months, it is like paying for every sin plus
that I have ever made.
At 8:30 pm I made a bed in the floor beside Debbie’s hospital bed
and asked the nurse to wake me at 11 pm when she finishes her
shift. Just a two hour nap and I am good for the night. Debbie’s
brain has been off for hours and no matter how much oxygen you
give Debbie Debbie’s stats will not go above 90.
What a night this will be and with Debbie in a drug induced coma
Debbie will not even to be able to help me.
